Every once in a while, when I’m feeling overwhelmingly narcissistic, I do a google search for myself just to see what Google has to say about my internet presence (oddly enough, this blog never actually shows up).
Here’s a list of my favorite (but fairly inaccurate) results:

Apparently, I’m an 88 year old zombie.

Here’s a picture of my grave in case you didn’t believe me.

I do think she’s very talented, but not quite sure why she pops up for “Sydney Gallimore”

A collage of people who aren’t me.

I always wanted to be a commercial lawyer!

#SWAGRID

I have never, nor will I ever, live in Miami.

Oh Google, NOW I understand the Miami reference.

Did I not mention I was born a boy named “Alfred?” Must have totally slipped my mind.

For this, I have no words.